With the recent idiotic decisions in Texas restricting a woman’s choice on abortion, I began to think about how women I know personally are treated. Not on their decisions to have an abortion or not, but just how they’re viewed in general from my fellow males. I was shocked by what they said, but I have been around this culture my whole so I wasn’t that shocked.
I was recently at a party (this past Friday) and an eighteen year old girl was facing a barrage of insults. It first started out as playful banter (which in the right context and tone is perfectly acceptable) between the girl and a young man I know, but then within an hour the playful banter escalated into nearly everyone (even a few girls) joining in on the insults. I was disgusted, so I finally “manned up” and told them all to “stop flinging insults at her; the jokes aren’t even funny” and so forth (I don’t remember exactly what I said). It did stop everyone from making many more comments for the rest of the night, but I highly doubt it did anything in the long run (I hope it did).
I spoke with the girl the next day and explained that she needs to stand up for herself because people typically back down when you stand up for yourself. She said, “Oh I just take it in stride. I’ve learned not to sweat the little things.” I was shocked at her response because she was nearly in tears the night before, but she went on saying, “It does hurt sometimes but I know that those guys are just ‘like that’ all the time.” What? How is that acceptable to be “like that all the time” at all? It frustrates me that my friends and other men do this. A close friend says he does it because “women love assholes; that’s how you get them!” Again, how is this acceptable behavior?
Neanderthal Male Culture
Whenever I bring up an old high school girlfriend to a friend, they typically mutter (at the beginning or end of their assessment of the woman) “slut” or “whore” or “skank,” etc. It gets old and it’s seriously demeaning. I may not know the whole story between my friend and their old girlfriend, but naming calling gets you no where. It’s difficult too when I try to defend said ex-girlfriend because of my friend’s very strong feelings (good and bad) towards her. I normally tell them, “Hey, it sucks that you two aren’t a thing anymore because you were good together, but you have to move on and you can’t keep harboring bad feelings about them, nor can you eschew demeaning insults at them – whether they hear it or not.”
It usually is met with them shaking their head and saying, “Whatever, man.” I don’t think I get through to them often.
It’s like a knee-jerk reaction for nearly every male to proclaim a woman they know or don’t know a “slut” and I don’t know why. It irks the hell out of me when my friends do this when any woman is brought up, any. I am guilty of doing this in the past, so I’m no saint, but I am doing my best to avoid falling into the neanderthal male culture in America and I want my fellow males to do their best not to fall into that culture either.
I am just asking other males to not knock women because they are women; not to knock women because they have had sex before (seriously, why does this matter?); not to knock women because of your past with women; and not to knock women because women are just as great and terrible as us men. They are us, just with different parts. Stop the insults.
Also, before I end this post, I absolutely HATE the “get back in the kitchen” and “make me a sandwich” jokes. Those jokes, whether or not said in jest, are terrible jokes and do nothing for the comedy world, ya dink.