As a child I found it very strange that the Cincinnati Bengals were not in the same division or conference even as the Detroit Lions or Carolina Panthers. Shouldn’t the ‘big cat’ mascotted (made that word up) teams be in the same division? Shouldn’t big cats be organized with other big cats? Why aren’t the Philadelphia Eagles in the same division as the Baltimore Ravens, or Seattle Seahawks? It didn’t make sense to my young, child mind.
Basically, my childhood OCD of trying to organize similar things together is coming out in full force today, but I’m going to go ahead and reorganize the divisions (and conferences) based upon their mascots because why not? If the divisions end up being more competitive looking than current ones I am going to send this straight to Roger Goodell (because, you know, he totally cares about the league). (I’m also going to ignore travel restraints and pretend that we have developed high-speed transport when travelling from the West Coast to East Coast; vice-versa).
Here is the new division breakdown:
Animal Kingdom Football Conference
Big Cat Division
Bulky Quadruped Division
St. Louis Rams
Cleveland Browns (They’re ‘dawgs’ right?)
Seattle Seahawks (Seahawk = Osprey)
Human Constructs Football Conference
New England Patriots
New York Jets* (Rationale below)
San Francisco 49ers
Extra Humanoids/One Insensitive Name Division
Green Bay Packers
Kansas City Chiefs
New Orleans Saints
New York Giants
San Diego Chargers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
*I put the New York Jets in the ‘All-American Division’ because [Fighter] Jets = military, and when I think military I think ‘MERICA.
Which division do you think would be the most competitive this way? Which teams do you think should be slightly shuffled? Let me know in the comments.
I think the ‘Big Cat Division’ would be competitive (minus the Jaguars of course), as well as the ‘Soaring Division.’ The ‘Extra Humanoids’ could also be competitive and fun to watch. The names of the conferences could use some work, they don’t flow as well as saying ‘AFC’ or ‘NFC.’